"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." ~Cyril Connolly
So, the other day I was wondering why I wasn't blogging anymore. Actually, David had asked me if I missed it and I couldn't really answer him because I hadn't put much thought into it. Anyway, I'm a multitasker so I was also watching an old episode of Criminal Minds and folding laundry (that is seriously the task that never ends....) and when the episode ended they ended it with the Cyril Connolly quote, "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." Suddenly something in my head just clicked. I backed it up so that I could write it down! I knew why I hadn't been blogging.
I had gotten caught up on how many people were visiting my blog. I was making an effort to comment on every. single. post. that I read so that maybe just maybe that person would return the visit. I was adding more and more blogs to my reader. I was making what used to be a fun way for me to share pictures and thoughts into work. I was not actually interested in doing any more "work". So, I took a big step back without even realizing it. I logged out of my reader and did other things with my free time. I only updated my blog on occasion because I would get an email from BlogHer telling me that they were going to pull their ads if my blog remained "dead". I wanted to want to blog... does that make sense? So, I kept putting in a little effort.... but the thing is, I tend to be an all or nothing kind of girl. Half a$$ blogging wasn't making me happy either.
Now, I'm back to sharing my heart and talking about my joys and my struggles. I am enjoying myself. Thanks for sticking with me. Thanks for encouraging me!
Next is the daunting task of cleaning out and up my google reader. When I first logged back in it said 1000+ unread posts! What?!?!? I've marked most as "read" and moved on. Many of those bloggers probably haven't even noticed my absence. I also need to make sure that I am actually reading some of your blogs because if you are making the time to encourage me then I want to be able to return the favor. I would rather develop several close friendships here in blog land than end up with tons of 'no value added' comments! Some of you are VERY important to me and I hope that you know that!
I hope that I haven't just offended any of you. Just thought that I should share where I have been... you know, other than buried in the never ending pile of laundry!