Did you know that the entire book of Deuteronomy was likely recorded during the last 37 days of Moses' life. So, Moses was able to share so much wisdom and knowledge and blessings with the people he had been mentoring and leading in 37 days yet here I sit with a journal for Kirstyn that I have been working on for 18 months. The journal is even designed to be completed in just one year, but hers is only about half finished and James' isn't even started. Maybe I should be thankful that I don't have that same sense of urgency that Moses had or maybe I need to spend more time on the mountain learning from God before I try to share my thoughts. Either way, I pray that they are learning that when faced with adversity and challenges we didn't expect that we will not run in fear but face them but only after seeking wisdom through prayer knowing that "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you".
The book of Deuteronomy ends with Moses praising God as he blessed the people and God praised Moses. Wow, what a legacy he left that we are still studying today. I want to be remembered as someone who praised my God and I desperately want my people (Kirstyn and James) to be blessed. I'm praying for all of us to have unshakable faith in the most unstable circumstances!
May is Brain Cancer Awareness month. In May of 2011 we were seeing subtle symptoms that something was wrong but we had no idea what was about to happen and change everything for us. Even looking back, the symptoms were never something that pointed to a brain tumor. Actually, I've met many people that were just in their day to day when a first seizure changed everything. Many weren't even having headaches.... me included! I recently installed the timehop app and have been looking back on my facebook memories from that year leading up to my first seizure. I wasn't sleeping well, I was stressed, I was frustrated, and nothing I said reflected that I was seeking God first. I was just trying to survive in the day to day. Honestly, I don't remember much and after looking back and after these 4 years of conversations, David and I have concluded that at least 2 years of my memories were taken. I have rebuilt some with pictures and social media history and listening to stories, but there are still gaps. I've stopped crying when I realize I've just spent an hour watching a movie that I've already seen and something triggered the memory so now I know the ending.
Next week on May 5th, I have a brain MRI and oncologist visit. We will learn if this monster in my head is remaining stable. Then, I 'get' to face my newest challenge (why isn't there a sarcasm font?!?!). I found a "mass" in my right shoulder a few weeks ago. Since then, I have seen a couple of doctors and had an MRI on my shoulder. (I swear I'm going to stick to my refrigerator at some point!!!) My oncologist then scheduled me an appointment with an orthopedic specialist so I see him next Tuesday too and find out what's next for my shoulder. I'm doing my best to give my fears to God but that hasn't been easy... I'm praying for a simple and fast solution to the pain in my shoulder and arm that is being caused by this cyst. Cinco de Mayo for us will be a long day of doctors and evaluations for me and we desperately need your prayers.
This month I want to raise awareness. I want to accomplish something new. I want to give thanks for all of the opportunities that even my struggles bring. I want to see my faith overcome my fears. I don't want to be what's happened to me, I want my hope to be contagious! Help me show that the grey ribbon is important too! You can buy this year's shirt and you can post on social media using the hashtags #normal2natalie and #greymatters