24 June 2012

Moments of Impact

"I have a theory...my theory is about moments, moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are." - quote by Leo from the movie, The Vow

I sat and watched The Vow with my wife (of course, the sweetheart fell asleep 1/2 way through) and all I could do was sit and cry.  I thought about the moments I spent with her these last 13 years, 7 months, and 24 days.  Some up, some down, some that have changed our lives forever.  But moments that will forever bind us together, define who we are not only as a couple, but individually.  I am not perfect.  I have made my fair share of mistakes.  But there is nothing in this world that I would not do to have my wife beside me.  To hold her close and feel the warmth that radiates from her.  And these last 4986 days have been, by far, the best of my life.  And I would not change that for the world.

I have not handled this journey well, at times.  Not at all.  There are things I am still trying to figure out.  Things that I wish would come easy, things I wish I could change.  But these moments, even the ones I mess up on, can only (eventually) make things stronger.  But what I have to focus on are the things that I can change daily, moment by moment, that can make me a better man.  A better father.  A better husband.  Most days I wake up and go to work, and I completely miss the point.  The point of this incredible life God has blessed me with.  All to often, we go about life and take for granted the lives we touch on a daily basis - heck, even our own life right in front of us!  And I for one, am saddened by my misfortune.

Another line that Leo says in the movie is actually his vows - "I vow to love you now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you and no matter what challenges may carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other."

I don't want to give up, give in, take the easy road.  Why would I want to do that?  Did Jesus take the easy way out?  Did John the Baptist or any of the other disciples for that matter take the easy way out?  So, honestly, what gives me the right to take the easy road?  Challenges come.  But fighting is harder.  Staying the course is harder.  Taking the road less traveled is harder.

I want to live my life in such a wife that my wife will fall in love with me all over again.  That is my goal for the next 5,000 days - to make the next 5,000 days even better than the last 5,000 days.  Because if I can do that, if I can live my life in such a way that the love of my life will fall MORE in love with me, than I have fulfilled my purpose in life.  And isn't that what we are all striving to do?

The next 5,000 days are going to be the best days I have ever known, for as Robert Frost once said, "two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference."

Natalie's diagnosis is just a moment in a sea of moments, and I will not let that define us. Our moments range from our first childhood memory, to learning about and believing in Christ, to knowing each other, to falling in love with each other.  What does the rest of our history hold?  Dying?  What about the pieces in between love and death?  A tombstone has your birth year, a dash, and the year you die.  What matters is the dash.  And the sum of all of our moments make up that dash.  The sum of all of the moments of our lives...that is what counts.

David  ~


janzi said...

You poor boy, what a lovely, but sad post you did.. explaining how hard it is, but the loneliness must be so much harder.. having to deal with your darling wife's brave positiveness in the face of such disaster is inspiring.. but both of you must have quiet times where you wonder why me?? But as you said, why not!! That this all will somehow make you stronger. I don't know how its all going to work out, but here in blogland we are supporting you all, with our thoughts and positive vibes to send to you to know you are not alone after all... God Bless and Keep you all safe, Hugs from across the pond J

Kerry said...

Love to you guys. We are always here for you both.

janzi said...

more love and hope and best wishes coming your way, its been a couple of months since you last blogged, hope that its just been too busy to get typing, and that all is reasonably well..thinking of you all, Janzi

Annabelle said...
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Jester Cuyno said...

At the first few sentence i was reading your post i thought it came from a wife's point of view, assuming that her husband fell asleep halfway through, but i was surprised to learn that this is a husband's love letter. yeah Jesus loved us so we can love back, and along the way I believe his grace will be poured on your marriage as you live according to his purpose. have you watched courageous or fireproof? they are great films that i'm sure you can relate with.